Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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