I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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