This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
