Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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