Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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