Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
