my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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