i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
