Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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