It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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