That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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