we have officially lost it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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