Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
