Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
