i think i have two assholes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
