we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
