Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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