I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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