It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
