The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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