we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
