I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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