he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
