I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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