I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
how drunk are you?
Several
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
