Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
