do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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