Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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