Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
