cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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