Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
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Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize