I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I can text with my tongue
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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