I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize