he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
