maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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