I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
