So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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