i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
