Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my shit smells like andre
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
