apparently the secret to your success is patron
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
