Umm I'm too high to move.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
