Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize