Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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