Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
