its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
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Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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