Less talking, more tequila
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
