i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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