Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
