East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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