True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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