eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
