I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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