yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
