your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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