She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dicks are not precious.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
