You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
