I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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