and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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