my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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