oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
