Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
