You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
